One step at a time

eto na talaga yata yung time na dapat maging okay na ako. wala na talaga kmi ni ryan. everything changed so sudden. lahat ng dreams naging shattered na. lahat ng plans ko, wala na. lahat ng akala kong iba sa amin, wala na.

i was accused of a mistake that i never really wanted to happen. you know sometimes that feelings revolves in blaming yourself or the other for a happening that occurred. but the true thing is, it is nobody's fault. there is only one person i haven't forgiven yet, and it's myself.

i pray for one thing, lord God, please grant me acceptance. there is the room for acceptance that ryan can never forgive me so easily because of his mistrust which was caused by his ex-girlfriend. it was me who suffered, but from that, i learned.

i couldn't study. honestly. but i guess, i need to already. i can never pass this exam with this bothering thoughts in my head. i don't want to be stuck in here. i know he'll be okay.

things were not the way it used to be. and, i guess, i need to accept it that way. i'm no longer the queen i've always felt. i'm now just a simple woman left out with no apparent reason at all. just because of a single picture that he saw. and, that picture is like, 2 years ago.

i don't want to brag on how i cope with his betrayal before. i'm happy that i did forgive him several times. but i guess, now is the consequence, it will really never be mutual for the two of us. i'm scared, honestly, because if we would be okay, it's my conscience that will bear the burden. i'll keep on doubting him because this time, i know he can have the guts to fool behind me. He's got his reasons not to be faithful to me anymore. I strove to have it, you know, his trust. Proving him that a woman can love him so dearly and faithfully, but fate does really have ways, maybe it's just not meant to be. i have already lost hope. the way he treated me that past few days, it makes me feel worthless. He could really live a life with no 'me' at all. My heart bears the heavy weight and this time, i'm going to make it lighter.

God has His ways. Things are happening this way because God wants me to accept something. I just need to explore more deeply, not just physically but spiritually.

Hoping,
Andrea