FOREVER

My head hurts. To define its quality, it's throbbing. Harsh pain, if i must say. I don't want to feel this pain. Ever.

I am all confused with what happened. A sudden shift of affection has made me in crisis. I thought it was okay to get used to the longing, the attachment and the like. I really haven't learned yet. I think it's how life works. You need to learn on your own, and though people may make you believe that you don't deserve to be alone, don't totally give in. Just savor the moment, but never ever, dream of making it last.

I still believe in forever. But, I guess it exists once in a blue moon. I still don't lose hope. Someday, i know i can understand where "FOREVER" exists. I still hold on to that faith. Maybe, forever is about living this life to the fullest. Or, forever maybe about holding on to your belief and that no one could break it.

:) Again, I have learned another lesson. And, that is to be strong FIRST in being alone. :) I can do it. If other people can, why can't I? I am not different from them, I am also human :) I can do this. And if ever i find problem so big, so what?? I have a bigger God :)

hoping,
Andrea

graduation tomorrow

searching for a cool make up for tomorrow's graduation :) pretty excited for tomorrow's event :) hehehe

i love it. i'm done with college. what could be next? this really is it.

Plans 2011

i need to put things in the right track, with the help of God, of course.

first, i need to pass the board exam. second, i need to be a businesswoman at the age of 21. :) i really want to manage my finances well. after waiting for the boards, i need to search for a job. i need to work to earn. the next will be, a healthy lifestyle. i need to promote my body's stamina and speed in an active lifestyle. after searching for a job, knowing what results will be from the board exam, i need to undergo training to enhance my skills and experiences relevant to my profession. when i earn, i need to save to build a house in Cavite. and i hope along the way, i will get the chance to change my surname na. :) in God's will.

planning,
Andrea

it's all my fault

it's all my fault. it's all my fault.

rea

One step at a time

eto na talaga yata yung time na dapat maging okay na ako. wala na talaga kmi ni ryan. everything changed so sudden. lahat ng dreams naging shattered na. lahat ng plans ko, wala na. lahat ng akala kong iba sa amin, wala na.

i was accused of a mistake that i never really wanted to happen. you know sometimes that feelings revolves in blaming yourself or the other for a happening that occurred. but the true thing is, it is nobody's fault. there is only one person i haven't forgiven yet, and it's myself.

i pray for one thing, lord God, please grant me acceptance. there is the room for acceptance that ryan can never forgive me so easily because of his mistrust which was caused by his ex-girlfriend. it was me who suffered, but from that, i learned.

i couldn't study. honestly. but i guess, i need to already. i can never pass this exam with this bothering thoughts in my head. i don't want to be stuck in here. i know he'll be okay.

things were not the way it used to be. and, i guess, i need to accept it that way. i'm no longer the queen i've always felt. i'm now just a simple woman left out with no apparent reason at all. just because of a single picture that he saw. and, that picture is like, 2 years ago.

i don't want to brag on how i cope with his betrayal before. i'm happy that i did forgive him several times. but i guess, now is the consequence, it will really never be mutual for the two of us. i'm scared, honestly, because if we would be okay, it's my conscience that will bear the burden. i'll keep on doubting him because this time, i know he can have the guts to fool behind me. He's got his reasons not to be faithful to me anymore. I strove to have it, you know, his trust. Proving him that a woman can love him so dearly and faithfully, but fate does really have ways, maybe it's just not meant to be. i have already lost hope. the way he treated me that past few days, it makes me feel worthless. He could really live a life with no 'me' at all. My heart bears the heavy weight and this time, i'm going to make it lighter.

God has His ways. Things are happening this way because God wants me to accept something. I just need to explore more deeply, not just physically but spiritually.

Hoping,
Andrea

broken

i am so lost right now. i'm not the same 'andrea' i used to be. i'm still complete but yet so unfulfilled.

goodbye good times.

broken,
andrea

major major

tumakbo ako kanina. bonggang takbo, i never had the feeling of stopping. i just ran and ran. nagagalit ako sa sarili ko. sa nangyayari sa buhay ko ngayon.

bakit kailangan pang mawala to? bakit kailangan ko pang marinig sa kanya yung 'sino ka ba?' sa bibig niya? bakit kailangan kong maranasan to ng pabigla bigla?

i've never been honest that i really wanted to feel assured nowadays. i always kept on understanding the situation. pero last night, i flunked. hindi ko na alam gagawin ko. i wanted to make it last. sobrang i wanted to be the BEST for him. :( but we ended up, misunderstood. i have questions ngayon na hindi ko man lang nakuhaan ng sagot. and now, it's gone. :(

and swertehin ka nga naman, may incident report pa ako. nice one. grabe, what a day. this is so freaking not my day.

erg,
Andrea 'loser' 'busted' 'dumped' 'worthless' 'useless'
:(